Robinns

So.. I think it's about time I introduce a very special someone on this here bloggity of mine.

Today is his birthday! The big 24 and counting. I always tease him about being "so old". I mostly love it because it's the one thing he can't tease me back about.. He doesn't like saying I'm young. He's still in denial that I'm only 19. That's okay.

I wish I knew where to start. I could start from April 21st, the day it all began.. but that would be a killer long blog.

I will start by giving you a brief introduction:

His name is Christopher Dan Jepsen. I call him Christopher Robins.

He is 24 years old, as of today!!

He grew up in Bountiful, and graduated from Bountiful High in 2005. When I was in 8th grade... hahahhaaha.

He is the baby (spoiled? maybe) of a very wonderful family.

He served his mission in Australia... luckiest.

He is majoring in Accounting at Utah State and will be done next December.

So there are your basics. But lucky for me, I got a sweet package deal. This boy comes with so much more than your average "basic boy package". I wish I could tell you everything that makes him so absolutely wonderful, but I would take the risk of making every girl that reads this blog to fall in love with him. And truly- I don't want that. So I will just tell you a few.

Chris is one of the kindest human-beings that I have ever come across. He would doing anything for anyone, and does all the time. He was probably one of those little kids that would start crying when he saw another kid crying. He just simply cares about others. He doesn't get offended when I tease him. Actually, lets be honest, he's the first boy who has ever teased me more than I tease him. PERFECT. He is responsible. So incredibly responsible. He works hard, but he is always making time for something fun. He is the perfect example to everyone around him.

Let me finish with one of my favorite stories of Chris.. which he doesn't even know that I know. And it really isn't monumental, but every time I think of it, it gives me chills. Because it is SO him.

My best friend Ali was at the school library (where Chris works) a couple months ago and she was in line to pay for the paper she had just printed off. Chris didn't see her standing there, so she just watched from a distance. Ali said there was a girl in line who just seemed to be down. Didn't have much self-confidence, didn't seem very happy, etc.. As this girl reached the front of the line, she handed Chris her card to be swiped. He swiped it, and then with a huge grin on his face, he looked up and asked, "Is today your birthday?!?!" The girl was shocked that someone had even noticed. Ali said that this girl instantly lit up!! She was so happy!! She replied, "Yeah, it is!" "Well, happy birthday!! I hope you have a really great day!" he said.

He is the sweetest most endearing guy I know. I'm so lucky to know him. Happy 24th big guy!

You'll flip your lid.

This is one of the greatest/funniest things I have ever seen. I've been google stalking these little monsters for the past twenty minutes. And they keep getting funnier. And maybe that's because I've been in the library studying (or playing snake) for quite some time now. I may or may not be going crazy. But just. LOOK. They're hilarious. I hope they bring joy to your heart, like they did mine.

Merry Christmas.

Angora Rabbits.

*personal favorite*

Cat? Beats me..

oh sad day...

THING

I have been so terrible about blogging as of late.

You know sometimes when certain things just distract you? ALL the time? Even if they don't take up every physical moment, they take up every single thought in your head..?

Yeeeeahh. Thats me. This thing keeps changing my plans. Keeps making this "easy semester" seem so incredibly packed. How does it work? Beats me. I don't have time to think of the why, how, or when it all happened. All I have time for is that thing in itself. But this thing is making me happier than pretty much anything else has ever been able to. I make it sound complicated. When in all reality, it's easy. It's easy and perfect. And I love it.

That thing is somethin' else, I tell ya. He makes me act like a smitten, lovesick, little girl. But I'm okay with that. Very okay.

Did I say he...? I meant ..thing.

Yeah..

Cant. Quite. Reach.

So... I guess it's true. I guess I didn't lie in my English paper when I said, "I always post a blog when I'm distressed, confused, bitter, or let down". Cause here I am. Posting a blog because I realized I have a serious problem. Actually, I've definitely always known it. It isn't new news. But I finally got over the whole, "no no no, I am not in denial about my issues" thing. So this is me, admitting to world that I, Lauren Brown, always want to be where I am not. I always want what I can't have. And it's ridiculous. It's hurting me.

There are days that I live in the moment, times when I love everything around me. When I feel like my heart is bursting with gratitude, realizing that life couldn't get any better.

But there are way too many times where I want something merely because it is barely out of my reach. WHYYYYYYYY. Why am I like that? I realize that everyone says things like, "Oh, you only want to date him because he is untouchable," or "you don't even like that dress, you just think other people will". But hi- guess what? It's overrated. Because you get what you get, and you LOVE IT. Or at least you should. But how do you change your mindset to believing that? If anyone has some advice, please feel free to give it to me.

I think I will start with this. I have everything I could ever need. Not only to survive, but to make me happy. I have this family... OH man, this family. They are beyond perfect. Friends that I lalahhhuuve. And a plan. I know where I came from, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. Everything else should fall into place in its own due time, correct? Someone once made me this promise: "If you live your life accordingly to His will, even with some mistakes along the way, the blessings of heaven will be yours." I think it was the Savior. Yeah, it definitely was. And even though I've seen quite a few broken promises in my day, I haven't lost trust in Him. He is the one person that will always come through. That I can trust wont tell anyone else about all my stupid flaws and mistakes. I am grateful for that.

And that is one thing that I will always aaaalways want, even though I already have it. Go figure.

Thanks to fall,

If I could live on through anything, it would be fall. I want others to find joy in me, dream of me when I'm gone, and feel anxious about the day that we'll meet again. Those are my exact feelings toward this short, sweet season. Whenever I see or feel the first signs of fall, I can't help but add a little skip to my step. Something inside of me feels different than it does any other time of year.

Everything about fall makes me want to be in love.

Maybe it's because ever since I was little, I've pictured my wedding in the fall.

I want to hold hands down a leaf covered, cracked sidewalk.

I want someone to tuck my hair behind my ear when the wind blows it across my face.

I want to hug someone and press my cold cheek next to theirs.

I want to hear everyone sniffle as they walk into class.

I want to pull out leaves from under my windshield wipers.

I want to wear a jacket with shorts.

As much as I wish it could be fall year round, the short period of time that it's here for is somehow special every year. I can't wait to see what this year has in store. Logan town is an exceptionally BEAUTIFUL place in the fall. And campus is gorgeous. Breath-taking, actually. I knew I came here for a reason.

And how appropriate that Thanksgiving is in fall.

I give all my thanks to fall..

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath"

Back in May I posted a bloggity about Ruth. My grams. If you haven't read it-here it is. It will help you understand why she is the most wonderful lady you could've ever known. She's been gone for almost 4 months exactly now and I will just say this... something has been missing for the past four months. She was wonder woman. She is me. Or I guess the proper thing to say

is that I am her. I don't think I've truly ever experienced the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone," until recently. I took her for granted. Terribly. Every day I wonder why I didn't make the 30 minute drive down the canyon more often. Why I didn't just swing by Macey's and pick her up a coke. Why I didn't go over more often just to let her build my self-confidence. I'll tell you why. Because I was a selfish teenage girl. I was preoccupied doing stupid little things that I will never remember.

But do you want to know an extremely happy story? I lost my grams beautiful ring last year... I wore it everyday and somehow I just lost it. It was absolutely terrible. But then. I was sitting in class a couple days ago, and since of course I'm in Logan and it's always freezing, I was wearing a jacket. I was listening to my teacher and I put my hands in my pocket. Without noticing, I had somehow grabbed the ring, put it on my finger without even thinking twice about it, and when I looked down a couple minutes later- THERE IT WAS. On my finger. Just wrapped around it like it'd never left. I may or may not have screamed with excitement during my teacher's lecture. He didn't appreciate that. But who cares. Cause this was bigger than any news he'd probably ever experienced.. Okay that's probably not true, but I'm trying to prove a point. You just don't understand how completely wonderful it felt to have it back. I mean.. it's just a ring. But it's not JUSTT a ring... It's the only thing I have left of her. I was so happy about it that I managed to tell almost every single person that I interacted with that day. It hasn't left my finger since.

Sometimes I think I blog because I hope God lets whoever it's addressed to, read it. So this is for you Grams:

I'm sorry I wasn't there more. I'm sorry for all the mean things I did when I was little. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I'm also grateful for a lot of things. Thank you for being you and giving me my personality. Thank you for thinking I was the prettiest girl in the entire world when I had zero self-confidence. Thank you for that walk through the rose garden behind your house last summer. Thank you for teaching me how to decipher between good and bad guys. Thank you for the baby dolls you gave me on my sixteenth birthday. Thank you for raising my mom. Thank you for living in Utah for your last couple years even though you hated it so bad. Thank you for ALWAYS putting a smile on my face. Thank you for loving me.

I miss you terribly but I'm sure you're just as happy as can be right now. Lucky lady.

Happy birthday sweetheart, I'll be seein you..

P.s. How much do you hate having to admit that us mormons were right? You know it now huh huh!? Hahaha love you.

LIGHT.

You are what you always imagined you could be.

To see it, all you need, is to believe it. You're already illuminated.

So burn bright, the world needs your light.

What IT Is

"Snails see the benefit, the beauty in every inch"

I love when I'm able to see past the initial simplicity of life and into the multiple layers of importance surrounding me. You could call it my drug. My runners high. My narcotic, opiate, poison, pill, hit, or fix. It's something I live to find. And guess what? It isn't aaaaactually bad for me like a drug. It's rather healthy, I think.

It's about picking apart, assessing, and learning- or not le

arning- from every teeny tiny little situation that crosses your path.

It's about laughing by yourself all the way to Logan because you just made up the sweetest dance move.

It's about formally thanking the grape salad you just made, for the wonderful memories it's about to provide.

It's about walking backwards to class because it puts a smile on your face instead of a knot in your stomach because you have a test in 5 minutes.

It's about praying in your closet instead of next to your bed just because it says something like that in your scriptures.

It's about waking up to a grasshopper shadow on your window sill that makes you laugh hysterically at 7 a.m.

It's about making up a love story in your head for every cute couple you see walking down the sidewalk.

It's about smashing a glass bowl on your kitchen floor just because you want to know what it'd feel like to live in a soap opera.

It's about giving advice to someone else that you should have taken from yourself four months ago.

It's about doing your homework in the dirt in your backyard because there's nothing to distract

you.

It's a picture of your grandma next to your alarm clock, fake grass in your room because no other color of green is quite the same, hair stuck in your carpet to remind you of all the dates you got ready for right there, saving dishes with ugly flowers on them because they remind you of being six again, squishing the stray cat between your front door and screen door to make sure it never wants to come back, ironing every pair of pants because your dad never used to let you leave the house until you did, writing thank you cards for no reason at all, watching your best friend get ready so many times that you know the exact way she poses in the mirror before leaving for school, buying a candle that smells terrible because it matches your bedspread perfectly, making a path of paper towels to walk across on your freezing tile floor, crying to your mom every time you throw up just because you want to make sure someone knows how sick you feel, growing up but staying young...

It's about the little smirk that covers your face when you feel the sunlight on your back.

It's about loving someone so much that it makes your heart ache.

Whatever IT is, it makes me so gosh dang happy.

tell me its funny...

Infection.

I dont care what Mister Robins says, sometimes ":)" 's are the only thing to describe how you feel. Are they maybe a little childish? Maaaaaybe. But they just match perfectly with the expression written across my face. Besides the fact that my face isn't sideways..

And thats exactly how I feel right now.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :( oops. :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

scaling the mount.

So I don't usually love to blog about my average, day-to-day life events. But this was a little more than average I feel, and I just have a few things that I want to write down.

Yesterday at this time (1:30 in the a.m.) me and christopher robins dear (real alias: christopher jepsen) were in my kitchen stuffing our camelbacks with almonds, snickers, and trail mix. We headed down to Days parking lot where we met up with Lauren Cole and her nice boy Spenc.

These were our happy faces BEFORE the hike. And they weren't staged. We were truly and genuinely really excited. At least I was.. as soon as we got to the parking lot just below Timpanogas, I hopped out of the car and started doing a little jig. I couldn't hold in my excitement..

So the rest of our gang showed up. Lane and her boyy Preston. Shay and Todd.

You might think, "Who hikes timp at two in the morning? Those nuttys.." But guess what? There were LOTS of nuttys up there. The parking lot was jam packed and when you looked up the face of the mountain, you could see tons of tiny little headlamps scattered all over! Quite a sight, I tell ya. People were scaling up that mount like ants!

And so our journey began. We were all trottin along like we owned that trail. Whistling, telling jokes, etc.. but within maybe the first-ish mile, the only whistling going on was through my nose. Trying to breath. And I don't even want to TALK about the second mile where I pulled my hip flexor. Tragedy.

Anyhow. We climbed and climbed. The whole time I was just thinking, "K wait. Why, Lauren? Why did this seem like such a wonderful idea an hour ago?" But I kept climbing regardless. (Mostly I just need to thank christopher. I was tripping all over the place. But every time that I almost fell off a cliff or down the mountain, he would quickly grab me, and place me back on my little feetsies. Which was probably.. oh I dunno.. every 2 minutes or so.) So eight miles, a couple protein bars, and a whole lotta IBProfens later, we made it to the top.

The view was UNREAL. Not to mention, sunrises are pretty high up on my list of favorite things:

Once the sun rose, those 8 treacherous miles suddenly seemed worth it. Not saying that I'll ever do it again. . . but let me just make this clear. I've seen a lot of beautiful things, I think. But the view up there just really hit close to home.. I've looked at that mountain ever since I can remember. It's basically been my backyard my entire life, and to be standing on top of it was SO rewarding. Especially with all of the girls I grew up with.. and a really cute boy.

So we enjoyed it for awhile with everything from pop-tarts to beef jerky, and then started our hike down. When you can actually see further than 30 feet in front of you, the panorama is breathtaking.

Uh. Whoa.

Gee whiz. Why do I ALWAYS take everything for granted? Why do I always have to wait for something like this to slap me in the face to remind me of this wonderful world? (But actually in this case I don't think it slapped me in the face.. more like my entire body. And it definitely was more than a slap.. more like a brutal beating. Yeah.. a brutal beating to my entire body. You should see me try to walk up my stairs, or even better, hop up into my jeep. It's a process.) It was incredible. Wish I could say more about it, but I really can't. All I know is that the Lord puts places as beautiful as that really far up in the mountains, so that you have to work your butt off to get there. To really appreciate it.

Do you also wanna know something that came across my mind? We passed like.. A million different wild flowers. And so whenever I saw a pretty one, I'd pick it and give it to Chris. He would then proceed to tell me whether or not it was a good smelling one. . But let's just be honest. Some wild flowers aren't very pretty. The colors are nice and vibrant, but some of them just look.. too wild for their own good.

But I vividly remember one day when I was probably 5 or 6 and I was playing in the hills behind our house. I decided to pick my mom a pretty little bouquet. Let's just say this. It wasn't pretty OR little. It was huge. And hideous. But I was proud of it. And guess who loved it? My mom. I remember it sitting in the window sill above our kitchen sink for at least a week. I mean.. it didn't even smell good and I'm pretty sure there were nasty bugs crawling out of it. But my mom loved all of us little kiddies. And she always wanted us to know it. So she let that terrible thing sit there.. for days.

I don't know how that crossed my mind, but I thought about it for at least an hour on our way down. My mom is the simple-hearted, caring, easy-going mother that you would picture when you thought of a "perfect mom". I love her.

This is Christopher amidst some of the few PRETTY wild flowers.

Anwaayyys, we finished 16 miles later. And even though we got OWNED by that mountain, it was something that I'll never forget. I can check it off the list and never ever ever do it again. So thanks to my crew for sticking it out with me. I don't think any of them really wanted to do it, but I drug them up there anyways. What a couple of good sports, huh?

Grilled Cheese or Lunchables

You can definitely say that I'm one of those girls who has "dreamt about her wedding day since she was three", or fantasized about having "the greatest love anyone's ever seen", but I think getting there is going to be a big challenge in itself.

Lately, I've had a small problem with something called trust.

I swear. Every time I fall into those stupid little things called "relationships," from day one- I beg the guy not to break my heart. Cause yeah, I'm not going to end up marrying everyone I date, but things can still end civilly, right?

Wrong.

Biggest, most monstrous WRONG you could ever even imagine.

Apparently my heart is a magnent. To the bottom of guys shoes. Not only do they step on it, but I'm pretty sure they jump on it, run it over with their 4-wheelers, chew on it, or do whatever it is exactly that guys do... beats me.

I'm not trying to whine. I'm simply trying to say, I wish my heart was the same little "3-year old wishing heart" that it used to be.

My sister and her hub went to Austria. Lucky..

They asked me to babysitt while they were gone.

So I've been with their two little girls (Aleah-5 & Kallee-3) for the past five days now.

It's so funny how little kiddies always open your eyes to the bigger things in life.

The things that they have no clue about..

Life has been so easy with them. They have nothing to worry about except which jellie shoes to wear, the daily battle between grilled cheese or lunchables, whos turn it is to say the prayer, or whether to watch Incredibles or Princess and the Frog.

And the best thing is, these little nuggets get over things in like .02 seconds after they get off the "time-out bench". They dont keep track of who tattled on them, who pinched them, or who broke their little hearts... They dont seek for revenge or hold onto grudges for days, months, or years.. They dont try to avoid things that could potentially be GREAT, just because one time it didn't work out.

They simply move on.

And that's exactly what hit me today. Just because one (or maybe five) people may have razored my heart to shreds, doesn't mean I shouldn't trust another. And another. And another. Because one of these days.. One of those "potential heart breaks" will end up being my best friend and soulmate.

Yesterday my mom said to me, "Lauren, it's better to have love and lost love, than to have never loved at all." I've heard that saying a million times before.. but I've never really thought about it until now. Growing up is all about breaking hearts and getting yours broken in return. It's about learning to see the beauty after weeks of crying over a silly boy. It's about figuring out exactly who you are and exactly what you need. It's about gaining your innocence back and dreaming the same way you did when you were 3. Its understanding that whether you picked a grilled cheese or a lunchable, the world keeps turning. It never stands still long enough for us to take back our decisions. So soak it all up. The good AND the bad.. Because even if you're afraid like me sometimes, nothing is worth missing the greatest things in life.

Rectangle Heart

Some people fit just perfectly in your heart like the shapes in that little square box you used to play with when you were a kid, ya know? The one where you had to put the right shape in the right hole? And once your 4 year old mind manages to fit them in, they get stuck, and are nearly impossible to get out without pinching your fingers off..?

I've found that some people in your life are the same way. From the time you meet them, they somehow manage to squeeze their way into your heart. Whether your heart is the kind that has teeny tiny little openings that are hard to get through, or big gaping holes that almost anyone could walk right in and out of. They find a way. Those BUGGERS.

You dont always plan on it. And that is what's so great about loving other people. You may not choose them, and the fact is that technically- they may not choose you. But either way- sometimes they get in. And you cant get them out (unless of course, you want to have two nubs for fingers the rest of your life).

Tonight I was thinking of all of the different people I know. And how much room I really had left in my heart for new-comers. And how forgiveness is a huge part of our growing experience here on earth. And even when those buggers do something to hurt your or make you mad, it's not like they instantly turn to dust, or melt into lava and just leak right out of your heart. They are there to stay.

And I'm glad for that. Because even when you're upset with someone you love- you can trust that your heart will always have a spare bedroom for them to stay in. Probably forever.

Got RESOLVE?

Last night when I was skyping with one of my wonderful friends Justin he asked me, "how much resolve do you think you have?" Let me just say this first, Justin is in dental school at UCLA, so of course I don't want to make myself look like a fool in front of him. Not having ANY IDEA what "resolve" was, I answered, "I think I have a pretty normal amount". I'm sure he could tell that I was making that up, so he proceeded to tell me exactly what resolve was, and that he'd been working on having more of it. So for all of you fellow, young, freshly graduated freshman year of college kiddies, who might not know what RESOLVE means, let me tell ya.

Resolve is following through with the things you say you'll do. Resolve is making goals and working hard until you accomplish them. Let me give you a couple examples that many of you will be able to relate with: Staying on diets until you actually lose the amount of weight that you wanted to from the beginning. Having a 4.0 your entire college career. Providing service for others. Studying for at least an hour every day. Learning how to cook at least one new meal every couple weeks for your family. Start training for a marathon. Building a shed in the backyard by the end of the summer. Getting into medical school. The list could go on forever..

But talk is cheap, and good intentions are only that- INTENTIONS.

How many times have you set a goal, and as soon as you screw it up, you completely give up on it? Having strong resolve means you push through the failures and get back on your original track. People with strong resolve are easier to trust, are more reliable, and are more successful.

So I really thought about what he told me. Am I person with a weak or strong resolve? I always find myself saying, "k, but no really- THIS time I'm gonna follow through with it". But I should never have to say that. I need to follow through with my goals the first time so I can learn from them, and move onto the next one in the book. I don't want to be working on the same goals throughout my entire life. I want to progress instead of being stuck in the same relative stage.

Besides that, how useless do you feel every time you leave a desire undone. And there's no one to blame besides yourself. And how much do you dread starting over on something that you were, at one point, half-way done with?

So starting today, I am going to start working on my resolve. And that in itself, is a goal. A goal that I want to come out on top of.

D&C 58: 27 "Verily I say men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness".

Yo Summmer,

THIS IS WHATS TRUE:


I was terrified of you. I saw you coming from a hundred miles away and I just sat and waited for you to hit like an angry tornado, ready to tear apart my life. I didn't know how I'd handle you and I didn't really know if I could. But that's the beauty of life eh? You take every thing one day at a time and sometimes, just sometimes, you realize that you love the things that you never knew you'd be able to.

• You forced me to move back in with my parents. Thank you for that. I get to wake up to breakfast every morning with my dad, I get to talk with my mom in bed every night for at least an hour, I get the pleasure of free laundry, I get the scenic view of Heber from my balcony, I get to play Halo with Devin more than I ever want to, and I get to take baths in DECENT sized bathtubs.

• I am on the road more than anywhere else. Me and my car have become great friends. I take care of her and she takes care of me. I've also fallen in love even more with John Mayer due to the amount of time he spends serenading me. August 31st couldn't come any sooner.

• I figured out that I've taken so many things for granted the past 19 years of my life. Things have changed, and my heart is one of them.

• I've met more people from Bountiful region than I think I've ever met in Heber my whole life. Okay, not really.. but seriously-so many. A few key people to name: Nicole Booth. Chris Jepsen.

• They walk you to your car. They open your door. They make sure you get home safe. They surprise visit you. They appreciate homemade cookies.They think you ARE what you're worth. They are genuine guys. They are rare and hard to find, but you helped me remember that they're out there.

• Due to the amount of time I spend alone, I am allowed quite a bit of time to ponder. It's my new middle name, Lauren PondeRuth Brown. New conclusions and goals have recently inhabited my mind. One being that I want to go on a mission. Two being that I want to go to medical school after I get my X-ray degree. Profession: still contemplating.

• I love studying. Yes, sometimes I complain. But don't let that fool you.

• I miss my friends. We're all figuring out our lives, taking different routes to get to our goals, and it the madness of it all, I barely see them. Thank goodness for vid chat, texting, facebook, and 2 hour phone calls. I love technology. I do.

• I have an income? Those words are still exciting to my little ears! It's been a whole year since I've worked. But my job now= funnest, most entertaining, beneficial job I've ever had. Things I've learned how to do: Give shots, put in an IV, draw blood, throat swabs, pelvic exams (k....not the best part of my job), blood labs, suture removal, and x-rays.

• Your sun isn't doing its job, but its alright. Because last time it did- I GOT FRIED. And I love the rain.

• Group dates are genius. Not only for the purposes of getting to know the guy, but new GIRLS! I'm soooo fetchin excited to go back up to USU and put these new friendships into motion.

All-in-all, summer: You have been an amazing growing experience, and very satisfying. Youre kinda like a piece of steak, ya know? Kinda rough, hard to get through at times, but SO worth every bit of energy I've spent on you.

And I'm sure that you have nothing but goodness left to offer to me. So I'll be here. Just waiting for your next revelation. Do your worst.

I wont.

I have this... sickness. That rolls around about every 6 months in my life. And naturally, it always decides to come around at the most inconvenient times.

Things got really tough today so my mom took me in for another treatment. As I lay in the hospital bed, I couldn't help but feel grateful. I have parents who take such good care of their children, no matter what the cost. I have friends who jump at the opportunity to help. I have a God who comforts me through trying times. I have a knowledge of things that I wouldn't trade for anything. I literally have everything I need.
And all of those things are gifts. They weren't earned, they were given.

Life is so precious. I can't stand the thought of wasting one minute of it being sad, ungrateful, upset, jealous, bitter, or regretful.

Because that is nothing but baggage, folks. And the adversary loooves to weigh us down like pack mules.


So.. I don't think I will. Actually, scratch that. I WONT.

....come out of the question and BE.

I have a recent obsession with this song. Mostly because I've had a recent obsession with the meaning of these lyrics.

p.s. youre gonna have to stop my music at the bottom of the page to listen to it.

A little snippet of love.

So let me just tell you something that makes MY HEART MELT:

A father's love for his child.

Today while at work, the door swung open, and my ears instantly began ringing. This 2 year old little boy had the loudest cry I've ever heard. So I jumped up from my seat to help them. They were assuming that his arm was broken.
I asked what happened and they explained, "he is a daddy's boy. And his dad had to leave and he wanted to go with. When he couldn't, he threw a fit and somehow wacked his arm on something".
So I took his vitals and carried him over to x-ray. (Don't worry that it took me at least ten minutes to get this munchkins temperature. He doesn't like the doctors.)
In the mean-time, his dad showed up. You can't even imagine how happy the little one was. And me. I was happy too. Because apparently I wasn't his favorite person in town..
So his dad held him while we took a couple of x-rays. After they were done developing, the doctor came in the room to have a look. So I took a step back and just watched.

I WISH you could've seen what I saw.
The way this father was stroking his little boys face. The look in his eyes. The way he held him. The way he rocked him in our swirly chair. My words will never be able to do it justice. But it's just one of those things that GETS ME. It was all so delicate.
I could've stood there for hours and just watched. Maybe because you don't see men do things like that very often. Or see them publicly caring about another person that much. It's just so..sweet. And I love it.

Days like today help me remember that it's the little things that help make up the big picture.

Cars Pars. Parson. To Be WED.

May. 29. 2010. Let it go down in history.
Carson is getting married tomorrow.
Carson met his future wifey, Simone Healey, a little over a year ago right before he left for summer sales in Indiana. Lets just say that the distance "didn't make the heart grow fonder" in their case. They had a rough ride, but he was eventually able to "put a ring on it", if you will.

I am ecstatic to have another sister and Carson chose well. Simone is goofy, tender-hearted, athletic, beautiful, strong-willed, and funny. And she makes him happier than anyone ever has. I couldn't be more pleased. Side note: I went with Simone to buy lingerie since I'm the closest thing to being Carson without actually BEING Carson. So naturally, I had to tell her what would be most pleasing to his eye. Hahaha.

I'm gonna miss our late night talks at home, Cars. I'm gonna miss giving you advice on how to win her back. I'm gonna miss being the only girl in your life. I'm gonna miss being in our "single stage" together. I'm gonna miss going on random double dates with you. And I'll be honest- I'm gonna miss you being around to tease me. This last summer at home together has been fun. Even though I barely saw you. Thanks for being you. And thanks for setting the bar so high.

Good luck to you two! Don't start poppin out little ones too soon. I want our kids to be relatively close in age, yeah? So just wait a minute while I find a guy.
Love you to Mars.

4 wonders.

“I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me, I'd like to be the help that you've been always glad to be; I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day, as you have meant old friend of mine, to me along the way.”

Yesterday, was a good day. I went to bed thanking my Heavenly Father for the wonderful people he's put on the path of my journey. I have these friends.... they've formed me into the woman I've become from the time I was three. One of them came a little later in life, but definitely at an important time. They were all finally able to meet each other last night and my heart just felt so overwhelmed and grateful to have all of these amazing girls in the same room.

So here's to you ladies: Ali Anderson, Shayla McDonald, Lane Scobee, and Nicole Booth. I owe you for the all the smiles, the tears, midnight slurpie runs, parking lot dances, boy stalking, bloody noses, spoon trains, prank nights, and so much more. I'm not sure how I'll repay you for the encouragement you've given me and the example you've set, but just know that you've made a difference for the better. A big one.
You've always lifted me out of problems that I didn't know I could handle and made me pee my pants from laughter more than I ever wanted. I genuinely feel sad for anyone who doesn't know them. Because they walk on water. And thats pretty rare, I think.

I'm excited for us, guys. Excited to meet the guy we've been talking about for yeaaaars, have babies, and hopefully live next door to each other. Set up play dates for our kids, and date nights with our husbands.

You each have traits that are undeniably remarkable. So keep on keepin' on, because you're definitely doing something right.

My life as I know it.

Well, my life as I know it consists of the following:
Studying
Work
Studying
Driving
Sleeping
Eating
Studying
Studying
Driving some more.

Is it paying off? You could say that. I was so stressed for my first test that I went to bed three hours early. Did I ever do that for any of my finals in the past year? You can better your bottom dollar that I definitely didn't.
I woke up stressed, studied for a couple more hours, said a prayer and got in my car for another hour departure. When I got there, they locked up my purse in a vault? I thought that was funny. What exactly in my purse would help me on an anatomy test? I dont have any bones lying around in there and I surely didn't have any pictures of a naked human body last time I checked. Then they proceeded to turn on a "white noise" sound maker. Drove. Me. Nuts. But, I took my test regardless. And what grade did I receive you might ask? And even if you might NOT ask, I would want you to. Because I am thoroughly proud of myself. A 98% folks. That is the very first test I've received higher than a 94% on in my college years. And easily the hardest. But it's what I love. Physiology... is another story.. But I love anatomy. And I love being able to apply it in my job at the clinic on real people. P.s. sorry to the lady in whom I thought your daughter was the one with ADD when it was actually you.

I dont get much sleep, I dont make new friends, I dont get much time to just "kick it", I basically EAT my pens (as you can see), but its all very satisfying.



The first of the day.

The end of the day. A fro. And a sore jaw from that daaang pen.

Ruth.

Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath.

Lauren Ruth Brown.
Named after one of the funniest, sweetest, cutest, most clever yet stubborn ladies I know.
Ruth Jolley, my mom's mom passed away today, laying next to my dad. She was a real gem and probably one of the most entertaining human beings I've ever had the pleasure of being around. Although she didn't used to be tooooo fond of me, we were able to become really great friends over the past year when she lived in Provo.
Some of our funniest family stories came from this little wonderball, so let me just re-cap some of the greatest ones.

A couple years before my birth:
My parents got in a slight argument while my grandma was staying at our house. My mom proceeded to lock her bedroom door for a little time alone. Ruth was convinced that my mother was inside her bedroom "committing suicide" or something crazy like that. After a couple knocks on the door with no response- she and her 100 lb. frame took a couple steps back, started bookin it, and ran straight through the door! Was the door made of metal? No, but it certainly wasn't made of paper either. She always knew how to get her way, even if it meant going through a roadblock. Literally.

When I was 4, and just a little wild:
My grandma flew out to Utah from Mississippi to stay with us for a couple weeks. Although I claim otherwise- apparently I wasn't the nicest kid on the block. Or the easiest to deal with.. On one of the nights she was there, she offered to babysitt us kids while my parents went to dinner. My parents tried to warn her, but she was convinced she could manage me for a couple hours. As soon as they left, I found my best hiding spot and decided not to come out. She called my name for hours and hours looking frantically all over. When she finally found me, and scolded me, I looked at her and told her to "leave me alone- you aren't my boss". And that was that. She packed up her things, called a taxi, and took off to the airport for a week early departure. She wasn't too fond of my attitude apparently.

In the past year:
I took grams to get some groceries at Albertsons in Provo (one of the most memorable experiences I have with her might I add). As we walked around the store, she had a comment for almost eeeeeverything we passed. It took us at least an hour to get a couple cokes, dish-soap, and a treat. Taking her down the magazine aisle was a bad choice on my part. Being an older woman from the south, you can understand why she might be a little racist.. It was right around the time when Barack Obama was elected president, so of course, all of the magazines had his face on them. I knew she would cause a scene if a black man's face and the word "President" on the front of a magazine registered. So I hurried her through the isle trying to shield her view. Attempt: failed. Miserably. She stopped walking, picked up a magazine and said "A black president?!? We are in AMERICA people! This is an outrage. Is this a joke, Lauren?" As I tried to calmly grab the magazine from her hand and heard her away, she ripped it back and said, "Answer me! Is this a joke?" Sadly, I had to explain to her that it was no joke while everyone around us watched in humor. Definitely embarrassed at the moment, but dont worry- I laughed all the way back home. She's a wise woman. No "change" has happened yet.

Over my dating years:
I've brought multiple guys that I've dated over to meet grams. A) Because she is more entertaining than any date I've ever been on. B) She makes them feel good about themselves. C) She is who I'll be in 60+ years, so I have to see if that is something they'd want..
I can't even begin to tell you some of the things this lady has said to the guys I've dated. I had a black boyfriend once. That was an interesting experience. I was pretty scared to take him into her house, because I thought she might possibly use the "n" word or tell him to start mopping the floor if "he was just gonna stand there". But to my surprise, when she first saw him she said, "How did you snag this one Lauren? He's too cute for you is all I gotta say.." Hahaha. Uhh.. thanks gram?
Also once I brought a guy that I really liked at the time over and about ten minutes into the convo she proceeded to tell him that "I bring a new guy over at least every 2 weeks." and "not to worry, you'll be a goner in no time." Guess she wasn't too fond of him.

So here's to you Gram, you're an absolutely wonderful woman. You raised a good daughter who is raising her daughter in the exact ways that you did. I hope that I work as hard you did. I hope that people get a kick out of me in my old age too. I hope that you forgive me for being such a mean little bugger when I was young. I hope that you remember all of our great conversations about "classy men". I hope that you know I have always loved you. I can't wait to be with you again. I really wish my husband would've been able to meet you. Take care of my kiddos up there in heaven alright? Teach them what I can't. I'll be seein you..

Productivity begets happiness.

So, remember my very first post when I said "I'd be up to speed in no time"? Well, its been time. And I'm not up to it yet.
But the truth of it all is that I thought I'd have lots of extra time when I finished up my freshman year and moved back in with my parents for the summer. Boy was I ra-ha-ha-honngg. Going to school at two different school three days a week is kickin my little butt (well.. it's not exactly little but that's another story). Spending 10 hours a week commuting to Ogden and Kaysville is a lot of time to spend alone. But I must admit that I've loved almost every minute of it. Whether I was falling asleep at the wheel or rear-ending my friend Nicoles car- I've had lots of time to just think. Think about school. Think about my week. Think about my cute friends. Think about boys. Think about my current family. Think about my future family. How pretty it is outside, how I forgot to turn off my straightener, how I just want to be sleeping, how I love summer time, and how excited I am for the next couple years. But on that note, I also think about how wonderful my present life is.
I got so lucky with my job opportunity this summer (the main reason in which I chose to commute 10 hours a week) at a hospital/clinic. It's only been one week, but has already made my appreciation for life so much deeper. I've never realized how fragile life is. Maybe because I've never had anyone super close to me get really sick or die in a freak accident. But those stories are out there- and they're everywhere dang it!
It's been so fun to help Dr. Sisneros with things I never thought I'd be able to. Shots, surgeries, breathing treatments, and just down-right oober sick people. I am completely in love with the major I chose. Maybe too in love.
Two days ago at work a lady came in who had sliced her hand REAL bad. So we went into the back to sew her up. She was about fourty years old, funny as ever, and scared. to. death. She was shaking, on the verge of tears, trying so hard not to throw up. Seeing her so scared- just made me want to take care of her like she was my own mother or something. I instantly ran over behind her and held her. I didn't even think twice about it. I was getting scared because she was so scared! I cringed when she cringed, held my breath when she held her breath, and I almost felt like crying at the end out of happiness that it was over! I'm sure Dr. Sisneros thinks I'm such a noob. But she appreciated it. Although I'm sure it was completely unprofessional.

Onto life. I've never been busier, but I've never felt so productive and effecient. I feel like I have something big to work towards. And it feels so good. Productivity really does bring happiness. And a different kind of happiness, might I add. Thank goodness for the power of perspective.

Walking in Sunlight

Well, as for the weather outside, my title is a little faulty. But let me just tell you this.
From the moment I woke up, my day has tried pretty profusely to put me down. Its the week before finals (which is stressful in itself) and the responsible side of me quickly reminded me this morning that I had a 7 page research paper due in two hours. Which of course I completely spaced and hadn’t even started. Somehow I managed to walk to school with a smile on my face prepared to tell my teacher that I didn’t have it. For some reason, he was feeling abnormally giving. So he gave me the rest of the day to finish it. Trying to write a 7 page paper on top of finishing another 10 page paper within 5 hours is.... DANG hard. At least for a freshman, lets be honest. But I somehow managed to whip them out. ..
As you can imagine, I felt pretty proud and giddy after I turned them in. Walking over to the bus to go home, I tripped. All. The. Way. Down. TWICE. And did the people around me laugh? Well, I don’t actually know because I had my earphones in. Annnnnd, I was too busy laughing at myself to care about being other peoples entertainment.
Right before I got on the bus, I decided that I was enjoying myself way too much. I wanted to spend an extra little while with me, so I decided to walk home. The long way.
Meanwhile, I was contemplating with myself and I came to the conclusion that I AM MY BEST FRIEND. Me and I get along so well. No one makes me laugh harder and no one seems to make me quite as happy. I am able to open up to myself easily and I would say that I basically know all of my own deepest darkest secrets. Anndd I definitely wear the pants, so thats a relief. I’m so excited to be stuck with myself for the rest of forever. And by no means am I saying that I’m not excited to find that “other person” who I’ll spend forever with, but for right now- I am living in the now and I’m so content.
I can’t really say why today has been so wonderful despite all of the minor roadblocks, but I can say that I truly live a charmed life. And I owe it all to the man who gave me everything. I am so grateful for the people in my life, the trials that I’ve been through, a plan, and a way.
When this song came on my Ipod, I couldn’t have agreed with a statement more fitting for that moment in time.
Its like walking in sunlight when the whole world is covered in rain clouds. Finding the truth and living it out loud. When you know what’s right, its like walking in sunlight.

Behind the scenes.

Two weeks ago, I was standing behind my entire immediate family with the happiest heart you could probably ever imagine.
We had all gotten together at my older sister Rachel's house to celebrate my dad and niece Kallee's birthday.
It was time for cake when out of no where, Kallee dragged her little boom box into the kitchen and pushed play.
All of our heads turned to see her standing there with a bedazzled plastic microphone in hand. She stood there scared to death with all eyes on her, and started to sing. Shaky legs and all. And didn't miss one word might I add.
I looked around to see the look on everyones faces as they watched her shine. It was absolutely priceless. It was shocking to me to see that even at the age of 3, she knew that these were the people that loved her the most and wasn't afraid to be bold.
Standing behind everyone else, I was able to grasp all of the love that I felt for every single person in that kitchen. How close they all were to my heart, and to each others. It was surreal and incredibly breathtaking. With parents in Heber, a sister in Herriman, and 3 college students all going to different schools, it isn't very often that we all get to be together. I had to take advantage of the situation and just take a minute to realize how important these people were. Nothing matters more than family does.
I couldn't hold back my tears as these emotions ran through my body. Although I knew it wouldn't last forever, I did know that I could take that memory with me. I could remember the way I felt and hold onto it. And so that's what I've done.. remembered. I have the greatest family in the world and I'm so grateful for that.



The birthday girl! Kallee Jaye Olson, such a beautiful little girl- inside and out.

Uncut

I have a hard time completely opening up...
(A newly discovered trait found in a recent courtship, might I add)
And.. its been a problem.
Not only for the people around me, but for myself. I wish that I wasn't that way.
But I'm working on changing this unfortunate attribute of myself. I feel that this blog might be a way to help me overcome this problem.
So I'm going to lay some facts out there that I don't normally tell many people. Some may seem simple, but the simple things are some of the greatest things that make me who I am. So bear with me, because these wont be organized or or well put together. Just raw material folks.

I have an obsession with pregnant women.
I have a lot of thoughts. Way too many.
I like to be the only one awake with my dad in the morning.
I don't have a lot of patience.
I love old fashioned traditions and classy people.
I bite my tongue. Literally.
I'm a sucker for church music.
I am such a tomboy. Don't let me fool you.
I love to skip home from school on a good day. Not skip school, but actually skip on my feet.
I don't know how to deal with lies. Absolutely no idea.
I consider myself one of the most blessed individuals on the earth.
I like to laugh to myself. At least 3 or 4 times a day, It doesn't matter when or where.
I want to be madly in love with my husband until the day that I die.
I like to take baths. No, I am not six years old.
I love the tender mercies of God.
I love to be with my entire immediate family. LOVE.
The best of me comes out when I serve others.
I am terrified of snowmobiles and horses.
I would sit next to the fireplace, in my sweats, with a cup of hot chocolate and a bag of marshmallows for the rest of my life if I could.
I absolutely LOVE to take care of others.
I love to be happy, so I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure that I can make myself and those I love, that way.

So there you go.. me in a nutshell. Or rather, my heart on a website.

Not sure how to start.

Hello fellow blogspot followeeees.

Your patience on my struggles to know how to start "my story" will be greatly appreciated.

I've tried it all. MSN, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc..

Although I don't feel old or wise enough to start a blog, the urge to do so came when I deactivated my facebook this week.

This will take some time, but time that I now have.

So wait for me, I'll be up to speed in no time.

Loves.