Cant. Quite. Reach.

So... I guess it's true. I guess I didn't lie in my English paper when I said, "I always post a blog when I'm distressed, confused, bitter, or let down". Cause here I am. Posting a blog because I realized I have a serious problem. Actually, I've definitely always known it. It isn't new news. But I finally got over the whole, "no no no, I am not in denial about my issues" thing. So this is me, admitting to world that I, Lauren Brown, always want to be where I am not. I always want what I can't have. And it's ridiculous. It's hurting me.

There are days that I live in the moment, times when I love everything around me. When I feel like my heart is bursting with gratitude, realizing that life couldn't get any better.

But there are way too many times where I want something merely because it is barely out of my reach. WHYYYYYYYY. Why am I like that? I realize that everyone says things like, "Oh, you only want to date him because he is untouchable," or "you don't even like that dress, you just think other people will". But hi- guess what? It's overrated. Because you get what you get, and you LOVE IT. Or at least you should. But how do you change your mindset to believing that? If anyone has some advice, please feel free to give it to me.

I think I will start with this. I have everything I could ever need. Not only to survive, but to make me happy. I have this family... OH man, this family. They are beyond perfect. Friends that I lalahhhuuve. And a plan. I know where I came from, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. Everything else should fall into place in its own due time, correct? Someone once made me this promise: "If you live your life accordingly to His will, even with some mistakes along the way, the blessings of heaven will be yours." I think it was the Savior. Yeah, it definitely was. And even though I've seen quite a few broken promises in my day, I haven't lost trust in Him. He is the one person that will always come through. That I can trust wont tell anyone else about all my stupid flaws and mistakes. I am grateful for that.

And that is one thing that I will always aaaalways want, even though I already have it. Go figure.