Robinns

So.. I think it's about time I introduce a very special someone on this here bloggity of mine.

Today is his birthday! The big 24 and counting. I always tease him about being "so old". I mostly love it because it's the one thing he can't tease me back about.. He doesn't like saying I'm young. He's still in denial that I'm only 19. That's okay.

I wish I knew where to start. I could start from April 21st, the day it all began.. but that would be a killer long blog.

I will start by giving you a brief introduction:

His name is Christopher Dan Jepsen. I call him Christopher Robins.

He is 24 years old, as of today!!

He grew up in Bountiful, and graduated from Bountiful High in 2005. When I was in 8th grade... hahahhaaha.

He is the baby (spoiled? maybe) of a very wonderful family.

He served his mission in Australia... luckiest.

He is majoring in Accounting at Utah State and will be done next December.

So there are your basics. But lucky for me, I got a sweet package deal. This boy comes with so much more than your average "basic boy package". I wish I could tell you everything that makes him so absolutely wonderful, but I would take the risk of making every girl that reads this blog to fall in love with him. And truly- I don't want that. So I will just tell you a few.

Chris is one of the kindest human-beings that I have ever come across. He would doing anything for anyone, and does all the time. He was probably one of those little kids that would start crying when he saw another kid crying. He just simply cares about others. He doesn't get offended when I tease him. Actually, lets be honest, he's the first boy who has ever teased me more than I tease him. PERFECT. He is responsible. So incredibly responsible. He works hard, but he is always making time for something fun. He is the perfect example to everyone around him.

Let me finish with one of my favorite stories of Chris.. which he doesn't even know that I know. And it really isn't monumental, but every time I think of it, it gives me chills. Because it is SO him.

My best friend Ali was at the school library (where Chris works) a couple months ago and she was in line to pay for the paper she had just printed off. Chris didn't see her standing there, so she just watched from a distance. Ali said there was a girl in line who just seemed to be down. Didn't have much self-confidence, didn't seem very happy, etc.. As this girl reached the front of the line, she handed Chris her card to be swiped. He swiped it, and then with a huge grin on his face, he looked up and asked, "Is today your birthday?!?!" The girl was shocked that someone had even noticed. Ali said that this girl instantly lit up!! She was so happy!! She replied, "Yeah, it is!" "Well, happy birthday!! I hope you have a really great day!" he said.

He is the sweetest most endearing guy I know. I'm so lucky to know him. Happy 24th big guy!

You'll flip your lid.

This is one of the greatest/funniest things I have ever seen. I've been google stalking these little monsters for the past twenty minutes. And they keep getting funnier. And maybe that's because I've been in the library studying (or playing snake) for quite some time now. I may or may not be going crazy. But just. LOOK. They're hilarious. I hope they bring joy to your heart, like they did mine.

Merry Christmas.

Angora Rabbits.

*personal favorite*

Cat? Beats me..

oh sad day...

THING

I have been so terrible about blogging as of late.

You know sometimes when certain things just distract you? ALL the time? Even if they don't take up every physical moment, they take up every single thought in your head..?

Yeeeeahh. Thats me. This thing keeps changing my plans. Keeps making this "easy semester" seem so incredibly packed. How does it work? Beats me. I don't have time to think of the why, how, or when it all happened. All I have time for is that thing in itself. But this thing is making me happier than pretty much anything else has ever been able to. I make it sound complicated. When in all reality, it's easy. It's easy and perfect. And I love it.

That thing is somethin' else, I tell ya. He makes me act like a smitten, lovesick, little girl. But I'm okay with that. Very okay.

Did I say he...? I meant ..thing.

Yeah..

Cant. Quite. Reach.

So... I guess it's true. I guess I didn't lie in my English paper when I said, "I always post a blog when I'm distressed, confused, bitter, or let down". Cause here I am. Posting a blog because I realized I have a serious problem. Actually, I've definitely always known it. It isn't new news. But I finally got over the whole, "no no no, I am not in denial about my issues" thing. So this is me, admitting to world that I, Lauren Brown, always want to be where I am not. I always want what I can't have. And it's ridiculous. It's hurting me.

There are days that I live in the moment, times when I love everything around me. When I feel like my heart is bursting with gratitude, realizing that life couldn't get any better.

But there are way too many times where I want something merely because it is barely out of my reach. WHYYYYYYYY. Why am I like that? I realize that everyone says things like, "Oh, you only want to date him because he is untouchable," or "you don't even like that dress, you just think other people will". But hi- guess what? It's overrated. Because you get what you get, and you LOVE IT. Or at least you should. But how do you change your mindset to believing that? If anyone has some advice, please feel free to give it to me.

I think I will start with this. I have everything I could ever need. Not only to survive, but to make me happy. I have this family... OH man, this family. They are beyond perfect. Friends that I lalahhhuuve. And a plan. I know where I came from, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. Everything else should fall into place in its own due time, correct? Someone once made me this promise: "If you live your life accordingly to His will, even with some mistakes along the way, the blessings of heaven will be yours." I think it was the Savior. Yeah, it definitely was. And even though I've seen quite a few broken promises in my day, I haven't lost trust in Him. He is the one person that will always come through. That I can trust wont tell anyone else about all my stupid flaws and mistakes. I am grateful for that.

And that is one thing that I will always aaaalways want, even though I already have it. Go figure.

Thanks to fall,

If I could live on through anything, it would be fall. I want others to find joy in me, dream of me when I'm gone, and feel anxious about the day that we'll meet again. Those are my exact feelings toward this short, sweet season. Whenever I see or feel the first signs of fall, I can't help but add a little skip to my step. Something inside of me feels different than it does any other time of year.

Everything about fall makes me want to be in love.

Maybe it's because ever since I was little, I've pictured my wedding in the fall.

I want to hold hands down a leaf covered, cracked sidewalk.

I want someone to tuck my hair behind my ear when the wind blows it across my face.

I want to hug someone and press my cold cheek next to theirs.

I want to hear everyone sniffle as they walk into class.

I want to pull out leaves from under my windshield wipers.

I want to wear a jacket with shorts.

As much as I wish it could be fall year round, the short period of time that it's here for is somehow special every year. I can't wait to see what this year has in store. Logan town is an exceptionally BEAUTIFUL place in the fall. And campus is gorgeous. Breath-taking, actually. I knew I came here for a reason.

And how appropriate that Thanksgiving is in fall.

I give all my thanks to fall..

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath"

Back in May I posted a bloggity about Ruth. My grams. If you haven't read it-here it is. It will help you understand why she is the most wonderful lady you could've ever known. She's been gone for almost 4 months exactly now and I will just say this... something has been missing for the past four months. She was wonder woman. She is me. Or I guess the proper thing to say

is that I am her. I don't think I've truly ever experienced the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone," until recently. I took her for granted. Terribly. Every day I wonder why I didn't make the 30 minute drive down the canyon more often. Why I didn't just swing by Macey's and pick her up a coke. Why I didn't go over more often just to let her build my self-confidence. I'll tell you why. Because I was a selfish teenage girl. I was preoccupied doing stupid little things that I will never remember.

But do you want to know an extremely happy story? I lost my grams beautiful ring last year... I wore it everyday and somehow I just lost it. It was absolutely terrible. But then. I was sitting in class a couple days ago, and since of course I'm in Logan and it's always freezing, I was wearing a jacket. I was listening to my teacher and I put my hands in my pocket. Without noticing, I had somehow grabbed the ring, put it on my finger without even thinking twice about it, and when I looked down a couple minutes later- THERE IT WAS. On my finger. Just wrapped around it like it'd never left. I may or may not have screamed with excitement during my teacher's lecture. He didn't appreciate that. But who cares. Cause this was bigger than any news he'd probably ever experienced.. Okay that's probably not true, but I'm trying to prove a point. You just don't understand how completely wonderful it felt to have it back. I mean.. it's just a ring. But it's not JUSTT a ring... It's the only thing I have left of her. I was so happy about it that I managed to tell almost every single person that I interacted with that day. It hasn't left my finger since.

Sometimes I think I blog because I hope God lets whoever it's addressed to, read it. So this is for you Grams:

I'm sorry I wasn't there more. I'm sorry for all the mean things I did when I was little. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I'm also grateful for a lot of things. Thank you for being you and giving me my personality. Thank you for thinking I was the prettiest girl in the entire world when I had zero self-confidence. Thank you for that walk through the rose garden behind your house last summer. Thank you for teaching me how to decipher between good and bad guys. Thank you for the baby dolls you gave me on my sixteenth birthday. Thank you for raising my mom. Thank you for living in Utah for your last couple years even though you hated it so bad. Thank you for ALWAYS putting a smile on my face. Thank you for loving me.

I miss you terribly but I'm sure you're just as happy as can be right now. Lucky lady.

Happy birthday sweetheart, I'll be seein you..

P.s. How much do you hate having to admit that us mormons were right? You know it now huh huh!? Hahaha love you.

LIGHT.

You are what you always imagined you could be.

To see it, all you need, is to believe it. You're already illuminated.

So burn bright, the world needs your light.