Happy Birthday Sweetheart

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath"

Back in May I posted a bloggity about Ruth. My grams. If you haven't read it-here it is. It will help you understand why she is the most wonderful lady you could've ever known. She's been gone for almost 4 months exactly now and I will just say this... something has been missing for the past four months. She was wonder woman. She is me. Or I guess the proper thing to say

is that I am her. I don't think I've truly ever experienced the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone," until recently. I took her for granted. Terribly. Every day I wonder why I didn't make the 30 minute drive down the canyon more often. Why I didn't just swing by Macey's and pick her up a coke. Why I didn't go over more often just to let her build my self-confidence. I'll tell you why. Because I was a selfish teenage girl. I was preoccupied doing stupid little things that I will never remember.

But do you want to know an extremely happy story? I lost my grams beautiful ring last year... I wore it everyday and somehow I just lost it. It was absolutely terrible. But then. I was sitting in class a couple days ago, and since of course I'm in Logan and it's always freezing, I was wearing a jacket. I was listening to my teacher and I put my hands in my pocket. Without noticing, I had somehow grabbed the ring, put it on my finger without even thinking twice about it, and when I looked down a couple minutes later- THERE IT WAS. On my finger. Just wrapped around it like it'd never left. I may or may not have screamed with excitement during my teacher's lecture. He didn't appreciate that. But who cares. Cause this was bigger than any news he'd probably ever experienced.. Okay that's probably not true, but I'm trying to prove a point. You just don't understand how completely wonderful it felt to have it back. I mean.. it's just a ring. But it's not JUSTT a ring... It's the only thing I have left of her. I was so happy about it that I managed to tell almost every single person that I interacted with that day. It hasn't left my finger since.

Sometimes I think I blog because I hope God lets whoever it's addressed to, read it. So this is for you Grams:

I'm sorry I wasn't there more. I'm sorry for all the mean things I did when I was little. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I'm also grateful for a lot of things. Thank you for being you and giving me my personality. Thank you for thinking I was the prettiest girl in the entire world when I had zero self-confidence. Thank you for that walk through the rose garden behind your house last summer. Thank you for teaching me how to decipher between good and bad guys. Thank you for the baby dolls you gave me on my sixteenth birthday. Thank you for raising my mom. Thank you for living in Utah for your last couple years even though you hated it so bad. Thank you for ALWAYS putting a smile on my face. Thank you for loving me.

I miss you terribly but I'm sure you're just as happy as can be right now. Lucky lady.

Happy birthday sweetheart, I'll be seein you..

P.s. How much do you hate having to admit that us mormons were right? You know it now huh huh!? Hahaha love you.

Ruth.

Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath.

Lauren Ruth Brown.
Named after one of the funniest, sweetest, cutest, most clever yet stubborn ladies I know.
Ruth Jolley, my mom's mom passed away today, laying next to my dad. She was a real gem and probably one of the most entertaining human beings I've ever had the pleasure of being around. Although she didn't used to be tooooo fond of me, we were able to become really great friends over the past year when she lived in Provo.
Some of our funniest family stories came from this little wonderball, so let me just re-cap some of the greatest ones.

A couple years before my birth:
My parents got in a slight argument while my grandma was staying at our house. My mom proceeded to lock her bedroom door for a little time alone. Ruth was convinced that my mother was inside her bedroom "committing suicide" or something crazy like that. After a couple knocks on the door with no response- she and her 100 lb. frame took a couple steps back, started bookin it, and ran straight through the door! Was the door made of metal? No, but it certainly wasn't made of paper either. She always knew how to get her way, even if it meant going through a roadblock. Literally.

When I was 4, and just a little wild:
My grandma flew out to Utah from Mississippi to stay with us for a couple weeks. Although I claim otherwise- apparently I wasn't the nicest kid on the block. Or the easiest to deal with.. On one of the nights she was there, she offered to babysitt us kids while my parents went to dinner. My parents tried to warn her, but she was convinced she could manage me for a couple hours. As soon as they left, I found my best hiding spot and decided not to come out. She called my name for hours and hours looking frantically all over. When she finally found me, and scolded me, I looked at her and told her to "leave me alone- you aren't my boss". And that was that. She packed up her things, called a taxi, and took off to the airport for a week early departure. She wasn't too fond of my attitude apparently.

In the past year:
I took grams to get some groceries at Albertsons in Provo (one of the most memorable experiences I have with her might I add). As we walked around the store, she had a comment for almost eeeeeverything we passed. It took us at least an hour to get a couple cokes, dish-soap, and a treat. Taking her down the magazine aisle was a bad choice on my part. Being an older woman from the south, you can understand why she might be a little racist.. It was right around the time when Barack Obama was elected president, so of course, all of the magazines had his face on them. I knew she would cause a scene if a black man's face and the word "President" on the front of a magazine registered. So I hurried her through the isle trying to shield her view. Attempt: failed. Miserably. She stopped walking, picked up a magazine and said "A black president?!? We are in AMERICA people! This is an outrage. Is this a joke, Lauren?" As I tried to calmly grab the magazine from her hand and heard her away, she ripped it back and said, "Answer me! Is this a joke?" Sadly, I had to explain to her that it was no joke while everyone around us watched in humor. Definitely embarrassed at the moment, but dont worry- I laughed all the way back home. She's a wise woman. No "change" has happened yet.

Over my dating years:
I've brought multiple guys that I've dated over to meet grams. A) Because she is more entertaining than any date I've ever been on. B) She makes them feel good about themselves. C) She is who I'll be in 60+ years, so I have to see if that is something they'd want..
I can't even begin to tell you some of the things this lady has said to the guys I've dated. I had a black boyfriend once. That was an interesting experience. I was pretty scared to take him into her house, because I thought she might possibly use the "n" word or tell him to start mopping the floor if "he was just gonna stand there". But to my surprise, when she first saw him she said, "How did you snag this one Lauren? He's too cute for you is all I gotta say.." Hahaha. Uhh.. thanks gram?
Also once I brought a guy that I really liked at the time over and about ten minutes into the convo she proceeded to tell him that "I bring a new guy over at least every 2 weeks." and "not to worry, you'll be a goner in no time." Guess she wasn't too fond of him.

So here's to you Gram, you're an absolutely wonderful woman. You raised a good daughter who is raising her daughter in the exact ways that you did. I hope that I work as hard you did. I hope that people get a kick out of me in my old age too. I hope that you forgive me for being such a mean little bugger when I was young. I hope that you remember all of our great conversations about "classy men". I hope that you know I have always loved you. I can't wait to be with you again. I really wish my husband would've been able to meet you. Take care of my kiddos up there in heaven alright? Teach them what I can't. I'll be seein you..