Grilled Cheese or Lunchables

You can definitely say that I'm one of those girls who has "dreamt about her wedding day since she was three", or fantasized about having "the greatest love anyone's ever seen", but I think getting there is going to be a big challenge in itself.

Lately, I've had a small problem with something called trust.

I swear. Every time I fall into those stupid little things called "relationships," from day one- I beg the guy not to break my heart. Cause yeah, I'm not going to end up marrying everyone I date, but things can still end civilly, right?

Wrong.

Biggest, most monstrous WRONG you could ever even imagine.

Apparently my heart is a magnent. To the bottom of guys shoes. Not only do they step on it, but I'm pretty sure they jump on it, run it over with their 4-wheelers, chew on it, or do whatever it is exactly that guys do... beats me.

I'm not trying to whine. I'm simply trying to say, I wish my heart was the same little "3-year old wishing heart" that it used to be.

My sister and her hub went to Austria. Lucky..

They asked me to babysitt while they were gone.

So I've been with their two little girls (Aleah-5 & Kallee-3) for the past five days now.

It's so funny how little kiddies always open your eyes to the bigger things in life.

The things that they have no clue about..

Life has been so easy with them. They have nothing to worry about except which jellie shoes to wear, the daily battle between grilled cheese or lunchables, whos turn it is to say the prayer, or whether to watch Incredibles or Princess and the Frog.

And the best thing is, these little nuggets get over things in like .02 seconds after they get off the "time-out bench". They dont keep track of who tattled on them, who pinched them, or who broke their little hearts... They dont seek for revenge or hold onto grudges for days, months, or years.. They dont try to avoid things that could potentially be GREAT, just because one time it didn't work out.

They simply move on.

And that's exactly what hit me today. Just because one (or maybe five) people may have razored my heart to shreds, doesn't mean I shouldn't trust another. And another. And another. Because one of these days.. One of those "potential heart breaks" will end up being my best friend and soulmate.

Yesterday my mom said to me, "Lauren, it's better to have love and lost love, than to have never loved at all." I've heard that saying a million times before.. but I've never really thought about it until now. Growing up is all about breaking hearts and getting yours broken in return. It's about learning to see the beauty after weeks of crying over a silly boy. It's about figuring out exactly who you are and exactly what you need. It's about gaining your innocence back and dreaming the same way you did when you were 3. Its understanding that whether you picked a grilled cheese or a lunchable, the world keeps turning. It never stands still long enough for us to take back our decisions. So soak it all up. The good AND the bad.. Because even if you're afraid like me sometimes, nothing is worth missing the greatest things in life.

Rectangle Heart

Some people fit just perfectly in your heart like the shapes in that little square box you used to play with when you were a kid, ya know? The one where you had to put the right shape in the right hole? And once your 4 year old mind manages to fit them in, they get stuck, and are nearly impossible to get out without pinching your fingers off..?

I've found that some people in your life are the same way. From the time you meet them, they somehow manage to squeeze their way into your heart. Whether your heart is the kind that has teeny tiny little openings that are hard to get through, or big gaping holes that almost anyone could walk right in and out of. They find a way. Those BUGGERS.

You dont always plan on it. And that is what's so great about loving other people. You may not choose them, and the fact is that technically- they may not choose you. But either way- sometimes they get in. And you cant get them out (unless of course, you want to have two nubs for fingers the rest of your life).

Tonight I was thinking of all of the different people I know. And how much room I really had left in my heart for new-comers. And how forgiveness is a huge part of our growing experience here on earth. And even when those buggers do something to hurt your or make you mad, it's not like they instantly turn to dust, or melt into lava and just leak right out of your heart. They are there to stay.

And I'm glad for that. Because even when you're upset with someone you love- you can trust that your heart will always have a spare bedroom for them to stay in. Probably forever.